Life Over Love Read online

She blew out a breath and rolled her eyes. Brianna chose to walk to the room, rather than yelling back. She wasn't in the mood for a loud long distance conversation. She leaned in and rested her head on the door frame. "Yep, what's up?"

  Mike was sitting at the foot of the bed fresh out of the shower. Clad only in his boxers, after pulling his t shirt over his head, he said “yeah, where are those new sweats I bought to wear around the house?" She thought for a minute before answering, “you wore 'em remember?” "No, if I remembered I wouldn't have asked. Why didn't you wash them then?"

  Not bothering to hide her own frustration she answered derisively "oh I don't know. Between taking the kids to the doctor, the grocery store, the power company, and paying the rent today, I guess I forgot to wash your pants." "Ok, so wash 'em now!' He had to yell again, because she had already turned away, and was going to check on the cookies in the oven. She decided to let it go and save the cookies from burning.

  Mike walked into the kitchen as she was trying to salvage what she could of her Christmas cookies. With the sweats flung over his shoulder he grabbed a drink from the fridge. Brody started crying in the living room. Brianna went to the walker and picked up the distressed boy, now whaling for his sippy cup. It had rolled under the couch.

  With Brody screaming in her ear and Chelsea begging for a cookie in the other she barely heard Mike when he said "here throw these in the wash babe."

  Maybe it would have been best if she hadn't heard him. Her head snapped up, her eyes flashed, and before she could stop she said “you have two arms and two legs, you can wash them yourself."

  As soon as she said it, and thought of a very bad four letter word, she knew it was a terrible mistake. The minute she put the baby down and stood up a smashing force slammed down hard on her left eye.

  She collapsed, crumpling down to the floor, and pressed her palm hard against her eye. Involuntarily squeezing both eyes shut trying to will away the sharp pain. She sat like that for a good while, waiting for the halo like orbs to stop floating before her, before she dared to open her injured eye, so much for apologies right?

  She couldn't open her eye let alone be sure she would ever see again. Her right eye was fine, it just didn't want to open for fear of hurting the other one more. She covered her poor eye with her left hand so that she could at least see the floor. She stepped over the steel toe work boot he had used. She ignored the crying youngsters. Keeping her head down, her eye cupped, and walked slowly to the bathroom.

  After washing her face with cool water, with her good eye or course, she watched the blood swirl down the sink drain for a while. Brianna lifted her face to the vanity mirror.

  The mirror was brutally honest. She hated that weak, pathetic, person reflected in that mirror. She laughed then, out loud. She was laughing at the grotesque sight before her.

  Her eye was swollen shut, with a deep, but small cut bleeding at the corner. She laughed more still, and grabbed a soft towel to dry her face. The laughter died away, turned into shaking sobs. She let her body sink down where she cried herself to sleep on the cool bathroom floor.

  Brianna woke in her bed. She vaguely remembered being carried to bed, in the same fashion she carried her sleeping toddler, by the man that she had loved since she was fifteen years old. She opened her eyes, winced, and gently touched her swollen eyelid.

  Brianna rolled over, looked at her sleeping husband, and wondered what happened to that compassionate boy who used to hold her hand on long walks around the city.

  He still looked like that same boy with the exception of a few pounds, his dark hair still had red highlights in the sun, his hands were rougher, but his eyes were still the color of honey, and seemed smile when he laughed. In his eyes she saw a little house, with a porch swing, and room for kids to play hide and seek in the evening.

  That boy would stay up all night just to talk to her. His eyes often said the things he was too shy to say, she had so much in common with him, and they shared the same dreams.

  They would talk of having the family that she had dreamt of as a little girl, torn between two fighting parents, and two crappy apartments that only represented everything that she never wanted for herself. She thought he wanted and needed her, to fulfill what he wanted for himself in this life. She wondered if that boy even existed anymore, but even the memories of what they once had couldn’t change her mind or heart, because those were just memories.

  The kind loving boy had grown into a hateful man who repeatedly hurt the one woman in the world that wanted to give him everything. He opened his eyes, and put his arm under head. The way he used to when they were first married, when it seemed like that’s where it belonged.

  For him it felt like old times and he asked if she slept well. Just like that, like nothing had happened, like she hadn’t spent the night in a deep sleep brought on by sheer exhaustion and pain.

  A tear slid from the corner of her eye before she could answer, “Yeah, I had a weird dream though, I was in a kitchen, and when I looked across the hall, into the next room I saw a white haired lady. She was surrounded by a bunch of cute black kids, one was in her lap, she was like Santa to them, and then I woke up.”

  Mike laughed “you are crazy girl.” He shrugged out from underneath her and sat on the edge of the bed. He asked “what do you feel like doing today?” Brianna sat up and hugged her knees “can you drop me and the kids off at church this morning; I’ve been wanting to go?” He shrugged his shoulders said “sure” and went to get some breakfast.

  When he got back everyone was dressed, the kids were pretty in their Sunday best, and Brianna was lovely in her white sundress. She wore a sweater to cover her arms and dark sunglasses to hide the previous night’s attack. They followed him back out to the car. To anyone watching, they looked like the perfect family headed to church. What they couldn’t see was the young woman’s broken heart and resolve to put an end to the constant battle in her home.

  Mike kissed her check before she had the chance to get out. His pretty family waved, said their loud by daddy’s to him, and they went in, where they sat in the back row of the chapel. Even though she seldom attended services she took the sacrament, and cried when they sang Love One Another.

  She sat in the back during all the Sunday school classes and listened as they spoke of love and understanding. She felt as if someone where whispering in her ear that she was home, that she belonged. She was welcome there and her heart warmed in her chest.

  Although she had tried to blend in with the walls in the back row during the services at least one person in each meeting hugged her and shook her hand, she was glad she had come.

  Brianna and the children sat in the waiting area by the chapel entrance. She idly thumbed through a phone book that Chelsea had found and put in her lap. Brody was standing by her knee pulling on her dress for balance. He had a crayon in his hand was just about to draw on the page when she looked down, she took the crayon away, and said “No baby, this isn’t a coloring book.”

  She went to put the phone book back, but not before she noticed the advertisement listing the contact information for the local battered women’s shelter. Without a second thought, she jotted down the number with the crayon in her bible. She grabbed the kid’s hands, together they went outside to play in the grass, and wait for daddy.

  Mike knew Brianna was struggling to act normal. He had stayed up most of the night after he’d hurt her the night before. After he carried her and tucked her in bed, he’d fed the children, and got them ready for bed. Chelsea and Brody had taken to sleeping in the little toddler bed together.

  Even though Chelsea had her own twin bed, they slept together, one at the foot and the other at the head.

  He was glad they played well together and genuinely wanted them to be close to each other. Brody had already turned over towards the wall when he came in to tuck them in, but Chelsea was laying quietly expectantly looking up at him.

  “Daddy are you too mad to read me a story?” He swallowed har
d before answering “No, baby have I ever been too mad to read to you?” She brightened and said “K, cuz I love when you read my favorite stories.” She snuggled into the pillow. He sat on the floor by the bed and read sleeping beauty. When he finished the story Chelsea’s green eyes were flickering sleepily as she tried to stay awake longer.

  He bent down to kiss her good night, and her little arms curled around his neck. “Daddy, can I marry a prince when I grow and be a princess?” He smiled “yes baby, you’ll marry a prince.” She was almost asleep, but kept talking. “I wanna marry a handsome prince like you daddy, but not a mean one, daddy, you’re a mean prince.”

  He looked taken aback for a minute; he wasn’t sure what to say. He cleared his tight throat “uh hem, well, I love you baby goodnight.” She’d rolled over and murmured “I love you too.” Mike closed the door, cleaned up the living room, and worried about that conversation all night.

  While they were in church, he’d spent the day thinking about what he had done, and had hoped to talk to Brianna about how much he really loved her. He vowed that he wasn’t going to lose it like that ever again.

  On the way home Brianna sat with her head back and pretended to sleep. She wanted to avoid meaningless conversation, so when Mike asked how church went, she ignored him, and he just turned up the radio. She thought if it happens one more time, I’m calling that number, before one of us has to die, I’m calling that number.

  That night she prayed for guidance and love. She prayed that things could work out for their family, and for a long while she thought things were really back to good. Her life felt right for a while…

  4

  Many months went by that were wonderful for her family. So much so that Brianna started to feel as if the pain of the past were nothing more than a few bad dreams. Things were going great and just like that, something created by Mike’s explosive imagination, snapped in him, and he resumed the destruction of Brianna’s hope.

  Fights became a constant in their home once again, but this was the most brutal attack to date. It was a fierce war brought on by some twisted jealous fit; Brianna’s refusal to back down had nearly landed her in the morgue.

  When she came to, she had felt disoriented, but her aching body served as a reminder of exactly where she was. After what seemed like hours she got out of the bath, dried her bruised sore body, and donned the softest night gown she could find.

  She would have liked to go to church, but she was in no condition. She got out her bible and settled down to read herself to sleep. Brianna decided to read the book of Esther, when something scrawled across the bottom of the thin page caught her eye. There it was in green crayon, a phone number that she had forgotten all about until now.

  Mike was out, he had taken the kids to visit his mom, almost an hour away. She got up too quickly and winced from the pain. She started looking for the phone. She could not remember where she had left the dang blasted phone. Some people just shouldn’t be trusted with remotes, keys, or portable freakin’ phones!

  It must have gotten tossed around during their fight because she found the batteries on the floor, and after picking up a turned over armchair, she found the phone. In her excitement she felt less damaged and walked a little faster to get the number. A plan was formed.

  As hard as it was to tell a perfect stranger her situation, the soft voice on the other line provided comfort. They discussed a way to meet. If she could get a ride to the police station someone trustworthy would be there with in minutes to pick her up, on the date of her choice. Her mind worked in a frenzy to think of a day that she could leave without him knowing her plans.

  Truthfully she wanted to leave right then and was a little disappointed to know that she would have to involve someone she knew in her deceit. She wouldn’t really have left her babies anyways, so she decided on the Saturday after next. It was no coincidence however that it also happened to be a very important day. A day to celebrate, it was after all Mike’s birthday.

  Mike came home to a Brianna he’d grown to miss. She was smiling again, although her eyes had dark circles underneath, they shined like they used to when he’d walked her home from school. She was talkative and happy again. He promised himself that this would be a new fresh start, a chance for him to be better this time.

  She told him that she was going to donate some of the kid’s old clothes to a shelter in Atlanta. He helped her with the laundry. She felt giddy with anticipation. She went through the kids clothes every day, instead of getting rid of their outgrown clothes, she put all the clothes that still fit into trash bags, and marked DONATE on each one.

  She enlisted the help of her mom, once she was on board Brianna’s worries that somehow she would be found out began to be replaced by confidence that she would not fail.

  5

  The days approaching Mike’s party were busy, filled with her preparations to fix her future. She made sure to put a few articles of her clothing into the donation bags, she put her address book in her purse, and frequently squirreled away spare change just in case.

  Everything was falling into place. Under the guise of a day of shopping with her mom, Mike expected Brianna to drop off the donation bags, and meet him at his mom’s house, where his family was throwing a big birthday bash in his honor.

  The mixture of elation, nervousness, and terror were enough to make her sick, but when her mom showed up ready to “shop” she and the kids were ready.

  Her mom visited for a while and Mike helped put the bags in the trunk. He got the kids situated in their car seats and turned towards Brianna. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him like she did when they were teenagers.

  “I’ll see ya at the party Mike.” She put her cheek on his then whispered in his ear “happy birthday.” She turned on her heel, jumped in the car, and never looked back.

  Mike watched the car leave. He wasn’t sure why he felt like he was in for the worst surprise of his life. It was all he could do not to run after the car. He shook off the weird feeling, went into the house, and started getting ready for his party. The ride to the police station was quiet. Brianna’s mother was usually a spunky little lady, with mischievous green eyes, and had a witty sense of humor.

  If she hadn’t been so worried about her daughter, she would have been more excited about her James Bond like role in their plan of escape.

  “So what’s next, babe?” Mary asked without taking her eyes off the road. Brianna looked out the window for a minute before she answered. “There’s supposed to be a phone that I can use at the station to call the number the lady gave me. Someone from the shelter is going to pick us up from there.”

  Brianna felt betrayed by the tears that threatened. Her emotions were raw and her mind was confused. Brianna had anticipated a liberated feeling, one of endless possibilities. Instead of the lighthearted feeling she had expected, she felt nervous to the point of distraction.

  She worried that instead of fleeing towards a safe haven, she was taking not only herself, but her precious babies, to an unfamiliar place, around strangers, and having learned the hard way that sometimes you can’t even trust those you love, she was scared. That thought alone was enough to cause her heart to pound loudly in her ears. Instead of freedom she felt oppression.

  Her throat was so tight, she felt sure to choke, and she could barely speak for fear that she would cry out loud all the doubts filling her mind.

  Mary sensed the fear her daughter was feeling, although she didn’t know the extent of the abuse Brianna had been suffering for so long, she knew Brianna’s fiercely loyal nature made the decision to leave a hard one, and she knew that it must’ve been horrific if it warranted taking those babies out of the only home they’d ever know.

  They had spent increasingly less time together over the years. Brianna had let relationships with close family and friends fade away. She had cocooned herself in her home. She had isolated herself, too ashamed of the pitiful state of her life. Mary wished she could erase the pain she
heard in her baby’s voice, but she felt confident that Brianna would be fine.

  For so long Mary feared that Brianna had been lost, that her spirit had been crushed, but when she saw the defiant look she gave Mike right before that good bye kiss, she knew her baby was back!

  She smiled and covered Brianna’s hand with her own. “Call me when you get settled baby, I know you didn’t make this decision lightly. I have faith in my heart, thing are going to work out fine, so you can be happy sweetie.”

  Brianna turned away from the window and looked at her mother’s hand covering hers. Those hands so small, yet so sure, so much like her own had always held her in times when she needed strength. They never failed to comfort her.

  The love in that gesture along with her words, were enough to calm the hysterics. Where doubt and regret had threatened to drown her, her mother had planted a seed of encouragement that made room for hope. She felt sad that she had let her embarrassment rob her of the close relationship they once shared.

  As soon as they turned into the parking lot of the city police station Brianna impulsively hugged her mother tight. “I will mom, I love you.” They held each other like that for a while, neither one wanting to let go. Reluctantly Mary released her hold on her daughter and together they all went inside.

  Mike kissed his mother on the cheek and reached around her to grab a beer from the fridge. “Hello my son, happy birthday mi hijo, where’s Brianna and the kids?” Mike took a swig from the bottle before answering. “They’ll be here in a bit. Brianna and her mom had some errands to run, then Mary is gonna drop them off, after they get my present of course. I think she’s trying to surprise me.” He winked. She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, shut the fridge door, and chuckling to herself, wondered around to where the rest of the family was celebrating.

  Mike went to see what his brothers were up to. In the game room Mike’s dad and brothers were playing a game of pool. Two twenty four packs were empty on the floor, he knew he had some catching up to do. The loud sloppy voices were further proof that everyone had started the party without him. He was more than ready to join in the festivities.