Life Over Love Read online

  She could feel Mike following closely behind her as they walked out into the hall. Once in the corridor intending to clear the air between them, she turned around, misjudging how closely he’d been following her, and she almost stumbled into his arms.

  She steadied herself and took a step back. “You look beautiful Brianna” He cleared his throat before going on “I guess living on your own suits you, I sure do miss the kids Bri, and how could you take ‘em from me like that? On my freaking birthday?” He laughed good naturedly as he said the word birthday, reaching over he gently touched her cheek before adding “You never do anything half way do you, mi hija?” Hearing him call her the Spanish term of endearment from her youth made her sad, and she forced herself to remember this was the same guy that had once thrown a full tool box at her for sassing him.

  Once positive she could speak in a clear voice she said “Mike I only want what’s best for us all. You, the kids, and me. Maybe we can put all this behind us one day and be friends, and I want to thank you for agreeing so easily to the terms of the divorce.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “I’d give you anything you want to be next to you again, I wanna make it easier for you to do whatever you want, Bri. Besides everything was pretty straight fair. The only thing I hate is having to drop ‘em off and pick them up at the police station. But hey it is what it is right? Thanks for not making the restraining order a permanent thing though. Maybe we both just needed time apart to get our crap together right?”

  Mike quietly looked in her in the eye before continuing “So it’s really over then, you and me just like that?” She didn’t want to leave any room for doubt in his mind so she met his stare and never wavering she answered “Yes Mike, that’s what this is you’re free to be with someone else now. I’m sure there’s someone out there better for you who can make you happy.”

  She took a deep breath before continuing “Mike I’ve got to go, I need to pick up the kids from school, do you want to get the kids this weekend?”

  Mike continued walking beside her through the doors out onto the front steps of the court house. “Of course I do Bri, I haven’t seen them in months. I’ve been going crazy without them, without you.”

  He grabbed her hand and easily pulled her close in an easy embrace, that served only to prove how intimate and familiar he once was with her body. Mike heard her breath quicken and felt her pulse racing beneath his fingertips.

  He kissed her cheek and just as quickly released her and skipped down from the court house steps. “I’ll see you Saturday ok? She sat down busily putting on her tennis shoes, wishing away the butterflies in her stomach. She smiled at him much like she used to in years gone by “yep, is 9am too early for you? I have to work that day.”

  Mike plucked a rose from the bush and tossed it up to Brianna where it landed on her lap. “I’ll see you Saturday Bri.” She watched him drive off in his little Toyota truck.

  Since she still had an hour left before she needed to pick up the kids from school she decided to walk to the library. All in all she was feeling pretty good about the day’s events, except for her reaction to his advances. She was smart enough to realize that a large portion of her reaction was due to the fact that she hadn’t so much as hugged someone of the opposite sex since she had last kissed Mike almost four months ago.

  Mike’s and her relationship was such a tumultuous affair that often after bitter fights Mike would use his knowledge of her body and spend the following days making love to her as a form of penitence.

  For years her eager heart had been fooled by her traitorous body. It wasn’t until she had grown to hate herself and the predictable pattern of her life that she became numb to his caresses.

  When their love making represented another reason to hate the woman she had become she’d had no other choice, but to leave. Brianna honestly didn’t think that she could ever be effected by his touch that way again, and the experience had her questioning her true feelings for him.

  ` On one hand she was pleased to find that she was indeed still a woman with all the working parts, but on the other hand she didn’t like being manipulated like that. She found solace just knowing that if the time came she would not let it get that far.

  She knew in her heart of hearts that she would always love him, but it evolved from that all-consuming love from their youth into a shadow of what it once was, now it seemed more like a feeling of appreciation for making her a mother of two of the most wonderful children on this earth.

  She saw in them all the good that was in both herself and Mike. Feeling more content with her emotions she went to go pick up the kids and tell them the good news.

  13

  Saturday morning could not have come soon enough when dealing with a six year Old’s and toddlers poor conception of time. Brianna had gotten really tired of explaining when Saturday would be there every single day since Monday, about twenty times every single day at that, it was definitely enough to where thin on anybody’s nerves.

  She was looking forward to some peace and quiet too. Her plans included a hot bath and some much needed Christmas shopping.

  The kids practically skipped the entire way to the police station, they were nearly an hour early, but Mike was already there waiting for them. He bounded out of the truck as soon as he spotted her and the kids turning the corner of the parking lot.

  Despite the knowing that their divorce was final, ever since skipping off that court house step, Mike had been in a better mood than he’d been in months. He was looking into AA and hadn’t touched a drop of alcohol since the previous Tuesday.

  Judging by her physical reaction to him the last time they’d talked. He felt sure that he’d be able to prove to her that it could work out this time, that he had changed, and that he’d get them back. He’d seen that she still wanted him and he planned on doing everything in his power to have them back in his life, with him, where he felt they belonged.

  Chelsea ran as fast as her little legs would allow into her daddy’s arms. Brody couldn’t wait either, twisting around, and kicking at the stroller he begged to get out saying “lemmme go, momma, lemme go!” She hastily unbuckled the stroller and watched her youngest scramble down, running towards his daddy.

  It was really hard for her to not to succumb to the tears that threatened. She walked slowly to them, her eyes locking on Mike’s as he mouthed thank you. She felt something a kin to regret and busied herself by looking through their bags and putting the stroller into the truck bed.

  Before she had the chance to turn around Mike came up behind her. He rested his free hand on her hip as if it belonged there, and kissed her cheek while holding Brody in his other arm. The familiar gesture that had once been so natural, now seemed way out of line to her.

  Mike noticed her racing pulse as he looked at her neck and pondered kissing her there. She blushed beneath his scrutiny, what he misconstrued as physical attraction was really alarm. She feared his reaction to what she had to say next. She didn’t try to turn around in reality she was afraid to look him in the eye.

  “Mike you can’t kiss me anymore, that part of our lives is over, and I would feel better if you would keep your hands to yourself.” His temper sparked a bit at that out of frustration, but he reigned it in. He regretfully removed his hand from her hip and gave her some space.

  He held up his hand as a show of surrender “hey old habit, sorry.” She exhaled loudly, Mike smiled at her, and clicking his tongue he asked “you seeing anyone yet Bri?” His saying that made her forget the momentary fright and she laughed. “Mike get serious.”

  He thought how much he had missed seeing her roll those eyes at him. “Ok hey, I was just checking, you know making sure I wasn’t movin’ in on some other guy’s territory.” Brianna wasn’t up for discussing her love life or lack thereof to him. Anyways she enjoyed her time to herself.

  She felt like getting caught up in all that, surrendering to love again would force her to choose between living or merely existing
according to someone else’s expectations. She didn’t think there was a man on earth that would be able to convince her to give up life to love again, ever.

  She kissed her babies, slammed the door shut, and made sure to smile before answering Mikes last question “Don’t you worry Mike, you’ll be the first to know, what about you, seeing anyone special?” As soon as she asked she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know. She wasn’t quite sure how she felt about sending her kids off to be influenced by lord only knew who Mike had flitting through his life or bed for that matter.

  He didn’t answer at first, he’d been too distracted by the way her jeans stretched taut against her bottom and creased at her hips, and how her work shirt had rode up showing off her narrow waist and back dimples.

  She figured he must’ve been seeing so many women that he couldn’t pin it down to just one name. “She patted his shoulder, don’t worry Mike, it’s none of my business anymore.” She’d made the mistake by touching him this time and he took advantage of her slip up.

  Mike quickly embraced her, pinning her gently against the truck. Before she knew it he was kissing her softly below her ear, making her earring seem like something erotic brushing against the soft flesh of her neck. He whispered quietly that he wasn’t seeing anyone.

  “You are my only girl Brianna, and one day you’re going to let me show you.” He let her go just as quickly as he had grabbed her and she absolutely had to hold onto the side of the truck to steady herself before she could even speak again.

  He knew his effect on her because he had felt the same way she did every time he kissed her. She knocked on the window and he willingly rolled it down for her. “Good to know Mike, but you really should look into it though, seems like you got a lot of built up sexual frustration.”

  She’d opened her eyes wide when she said “frustration” then she had winked at him and told him to take care of her babies. She spun around and bounced happily back towards the road. She looked over her shoulder flipping her hair and waved one last time before she was completely out of sight.

  Mike threw his head back laughing. He threw the truck into gear and focused his attention on the other two most important people in his life.

  14

  She felt pretty confident that she had handled herself pretty well back there given the circumstances and besides she liked having the last word. He need not know that she’d had to jog the rest of the way to work to work off the extra steam.

  Brianna worked in a frenzy, speaking happily to everyone she met. She loved her job, she continued to remain grateful to have the peace of mind that came from a steady paycheck. She was positive that after the initial probationary period was up, she would get the promotion she was after.

  She was in such a great mood that the hours flew by like minutes and she barely noticed how many customers she’d happily rung up and helped with their items. Her smile was contagious when she felt like this and she kept up a steady stream of cheerful banter with each new customer.

  Even in her current state of scatterbrained giddiness, she was somewhat aware of a physical curiosity, and admiration for the tall good looking officer that stood on the opposite counter. He had been noticing her smiling eyes the short time he’d been waiting in her line.

  He liked the way she was with people, how she had a way of drawing them in and making them forget that they were standing in line at the busiest store two weeks before Christmas.

  She was so endearing that he didn’t realize she’d been talking to him and that it was already his turn. Actually he was somewhat at a loss for words, it was very rare if ever that anyone had this effect on him. Brianna thought maybe he hadn’t heard her so she repeated the greeting “hi, did you find everything you were looking for today?”

  He loved the sound of her soft lilting voice. He was also surprised by the platinum blonde streaks mixed in among her dark tresses. He was further surprised by his reaction towards her that he felt intrigued to find out what other surprises she might have.

  Normally now would be the time to turn on the charm, but all he seemed capable of doing was clearing his throat, which had gone dry, probably from standing there gawking like a big oaf he thought.

  “Yes ma’am just grabbing something to eat.” She smiled dimpling prettily and asked “you just getting off your shift, or just on lunch?” He had a hard time concentrating on anything other than the way her eyes seemed to sparkle blue one minute and green the next.

  Ryker swallowed audibly before saying “ naw, I’m heading home.” She rang up his six pack and the rest of what remained of his purchases. She supplied steady stream of small talk all the while and after noticing he wasn’t wearing a ring, she even flirted “You should really put a little effort into your meals though, my mom always told me that when you’re fixing dinner for one it’s really important to look forward to the end results. These TV dinners, no bueno, they are super disappointing in real life.”

  She regretted babbling on that way almost immediately, he didn’t even reach over to take his change when she’d tried to hand it to him. He was her last customer and she turned off her light before she said “ I’m sorry sir, I didn’t mean anything by that, I was just making conversation, and maybe hoping you’d ask me out, and I know, I suck at flirting sooooo, sorry?”

  She waved the change and receipt enticingly in front of his face, he took it, and managed to mutter something like “uh huh.” She was concerned that she really had screwed up and totally offended the guy. She tried to read his expression, but he seemed pre occupied, “well uh, like I said I’m sorry about that back there, I hope you have a great night, and thanks for shopping with us.”

  He couldn’t help but admire the pretty sight as he watched her walk away. Officer Danner shook his mentally kicking himself, and wondered what was wrong with him?! He was a grown man for crying out loud, not some dumb jock in high school.

  He didn’t have a bad track record with the ladies either, from a guy’s point of view at any rate. He’d already been married twice to a couple of pretty smiles and lying eyes. Some would say he was jaded, he preferred educated.

  He hated it when he got in these moods, his mother called it woman hating, but he didn’t place all the blame on his exes. Yeah sure, maybe he’d technically been faithful, but that’s not saying a whole lot. He was never attentive after he got married either, and for that he felt bad.

  Once upon a time he’d wanted to settle down, do the whole happy family thing, but it was like as soon as he’d gotten married, hell who was he fooling, soon as he got engaged he got bored. It was like the minute he’d gotten the girl, the shine wore off, and he’d simply loose interest.

  Then he went and done what he thought seemed like the right thing to do at the time, just marry the girl. He was if anything a self-aware man. He knew being married to a cop wasn’t easy, especially one working his face off, trying to make detective, but he was still ticked when he found out they’d cheated on him. Really it was his ego that was hurt, he always prided himself on being honest to a fault where women were concerned, and dangit he deserved the same respect! He was just glad neither marriage had resulted in a child.

  Every time his thoughts steered in that direction he did feel a twinge of regret, but was glad for the sake of the unborn child. He loved his nephews, his god daughters, and would love to be a dad, but honestly no woman seemed fit to have his kids.

  He winced at that thought because it made him feel like such a jerk.

  It wasn’t that he thought he was God’s gift or anything, he just chalked it up to having unrealistic expectations, and was just glad it had never happened was all. Ryker wasn’t a momma’s boy so to speak, but when his father had died, his mother had done an amazing job raising him, and every other woman had paled in comparison. From what he could tell the same was true for his brother Aiden, who was still fighting a nasty divorce.

  Ryker leaned against the counter and laughed while he chewed through the rubbery Salisbury stea
k. He thought that pretty little cashier had been right about one thing, the TV dinners were no bueno.

  15

  Brianna was totally fine with walking home anytime day or night. She was the type of person that just did what needed to be done. By her way of thinking strangers were often less ominous than lovers. She frequently turned down rides from co-workers, and she had no problem with walking home in the rain, in fact if it hadn’t been smack in the middle of winter she would have loved to play in the rain, but she was glad for the clear starlit sky tonight.

  She felt so good to be on her own, she walked along the rail road tracks, and passed by the colorful shops in the old town square. Brianna waved happily to passersby and people closing up shop.

  She’d seen a guy discarding a Christmas tree behind one of the buildings and realized she had forgotten to get one, that and she hadn’t had the extra money. She flagged the guy down. He was hoping to get her number or give her a ride home, but instead she asked him about taking the tree.

  He offered to give her and the tree a lift, but she refused saying she lived real close by. He said fine shaking his head at her stubbornness, he watched her pull and tug the tree along the side walk.

  Brianna was thankful that she only had to go one more block with the tree, after a full day’s work and the walk home, she was about ready to forego the hot bath in favor of just dropping into bed for the rest of the night.

  Brianna propped the tree against the railing by her front door. She continued looking at the Christmas tree until she unlocked the door and actually stepped inside. It definitely was a Charlie brown Christmas tree, but it was the first one in their home.

  She leaned against the door, she was way too tired to cook dinner, but thinking about having the next day off gave her enough strength to change her mind about that hot bath.